is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
