belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
