Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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