I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
