Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
