that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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