i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
