Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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