So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
