i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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