my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
