her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
