i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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