a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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