I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
