I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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