I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
