so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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