I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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