why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
