Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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