I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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