my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
