I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
