She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
