Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
