That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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