he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
