Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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