I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
