I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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