You just made me feel so damn special
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
