Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
