We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
