Non-Jews are for practice
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
