Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
