There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
