just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
