We're facebook friends in real life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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