my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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