I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
