Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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