sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
