bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
