my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
