he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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