Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
