I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
