I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize