She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
