so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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