Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
