I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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