Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders