I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.