Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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