Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.