This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.