I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.