So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
