meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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