I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
