At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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